Name: Twistedvein

Age: 24

Title: Jedi Master of the Wrinkled Sac

Girth: 76 (x2 When Balls are Worn as a Robe)

Jedi Master: Hitler

Birthplace: Plainview, NY

Dirt Park, hole of the universe, squeezed out mouth breather, Jedi Twistedvein, in an anal tearing frenzy. Located near the esteemed Jedi training ground in Boonton, Dirt Park really had nothing to offer Emperor Twistedvein except misdemeanors for shoplifting and attic masturbation so he frequently commandeered his parents' speeder bike to travel underage and over dale to Jedi Duck's. He witnessed many wooden-spoon beatings and misuses of toilet plungers, which only served to strengthen Jedi Duck and himself. Often found "dueling," these two Jedi's usurped control of the academy they attended until Vein did a shit audition. From there he attended the Jedi School for Fluffers, imbibing cyock and heroine, while studying the ways of the Great Beat Jedi. After perfecting his artistic vision, breaking a few hearts, and burning lots of bridges, Jedi Vein fled to the much hyped Ithaca, where he was introduced to the other Jedi. What a load a crap that place was! Bored and uninspired, surrounded by weaklings and fools, Jedi Vein tangoed with the dark side. Waking only to drink or play darts, shit or jerk off, he perfected the Dark Arts, finding himself in the arms of drunk naked women who never really appreciated him because they were lesbians. Since then he has departed from the ranks of the Astoria Jedi after a brief couch crashing almost 2 years ago, leaving behind a playstation and some porno's. Occasionally he returns to Dirt Park for inspiration and the Wexford, drive-bys and mailbox baseball, and the Dagoba like swamp near his place of origin. He dreams of unleashing the flesh eating bacteria in the World Federation Center upon millions of unsuspecting ass-fast dirt jockies, and pissing into the wind with his hair on fire. His balls hang to his knees. He has begun work on his memoirs entitled "Non-Sequitors and Raping."

The End

My Balls Have Rubbed the Hair Off the Inside of My Thighs.