TRADE DEADLINE LOOMS, Jedi Scramble for Key Players to Assist the Postseason Push. (7/31/01)
Well, July is running out
on us like we were the
child of Christopher "Play" Martin (half of the old school
rap group Kid 'N Play). Yes, it is sad that our Summer is coming to a quick end, but fear
not--there are many days still remaining to bask in the pleasures of Summertime...
In fact, this weekend I will
be doing just that--basking up in the Barre of Pennsyltuckey--with Jedi Klove &
his Barre Co-Horts. If you've never been, the Wilkes-Barre is well known for
bars with amazing amounts and varieties of beer--but strangely lame names. "Elmer Suds" and
"Brews Brothers" are both good examples...but they have FANtastic beers, from standbys
like Newcastle & Yeungling to London favorites like the one-pound-fifty Theakstons. It truly is
a magical land. I'll be sure to try and catch a Leprechaun for y'all.
The fall is soon to be upon us,
and with the fall comes NEW TV. That's right, our favorite po-grams are all
due to return to us, and with them comes the blissful euphoria they bring. Our Sacred WWing
has finally overcome their Money Issues
, and we ALL wait with bated breath to discover what happens to our beloved folks on Ed. China and Spermy are both
back in the slave mines of ViaKessel--but our hopes is that they'll be able to sneak us
out some juicy tidbits of info to satiate our rapacious appetities. Speaking of "Ed",
Sunday night I was treated to a quick/loud but fun cell-phone conversation with the lovely
Jana Marie Hupp (aka "Nancy" from Ed). Apparently the conversation made "Larry laugh like
a little girl" (what else is new), but all in all, she let us know how much the site kicks ass (you'll also
remember that SHE was the first Celebrity visit we ever had
here way back when!). So a big thanks to Jana for checking out the site, keep up the good work,
drop us a line, and keep our 2 boys in check. They're wiley ones!
Also on Friday, went
to the Batting Cages here in 'Storia w/ Diesel,
Duck, O'Neill
& Gimp. Took it easy w/ a nice 60mph
speed, and we all took turns for about an Hours worth of fun. Was great
fun, and we all seemed to improve when we switched to our opposite sides,
strange enough. Switch hittin's a breeze, yo. Also, saw "Planet of
the Apes" with BoBo Barth that night. Had a great time, but my expectations
for the movie was a little too high. Makeup & effects were great,
but there were some things that didn't just click w/ me. Scwerve ending,
as well...
Oh, I updated the
Archives. Now, each old archive has
a small breakdown on what you can find within it. Let me know if you have
any problems with them, mmmkay?
I'll be travelling
to PA this coming weekend, but for anyone interested, Tickets for "The
Seagull" are available to the residents of QUEENS on Friday
(Aug. 3rd) for that evenings performance. Tickets are free, available
at 3 different locations, and up to two per person. GiMp is planning on
going, so anyone interested--y'all should coordinate to hit all the locations
and maximize your abilities. The details:
The
Seagull
(a new version by Tom Stoppard, directed by Mike Nichols)
starring: Natalie Portman, Christopher Walken, many famous folk. Fri. Aug 3rd, Central Park Delacorte Thtr. (Enter: 79st
& 5Av).
Tickets:
Free, Distributed in Queens from 1-3pm for that Eve at: *FLUSHING YWCA
(42-07 Parsons Boulevard) 718-353-4553
*JAMAICA CENTER FOR ARTS AND LEARNING
(161-04 Jamaica Avenue) 718-658-7400 x22
*FLUSHING TOWN HALL
(137-35 Northern Boulevard) 718-463-7700
So, that's
the dealy-o, and I'd get there in the morning by 9 or 10am. In fact, it
might be best if you call the locations this week to ask when they suggest
to arrive to get tickets. It'll be a madhouse, y'all.
That's about
it, be sure to check out the events for the week, I'll see many of you
@ Mrs. Grundy this week, I'll be glad to fix any updated bios--post updates--and
put up any other goods you guys send out to me...and lastly--
Time to get started, get back, and Smackdown those Damn Dirty Yanks.
Backstreet's
Back....ALRIGHT!!! (7/26/01)
"Finally...the
Rock...has come BACK to Elevational Computing!!!!" That's
right kids, after an extended vacation, a bout of depression, and severe
alcoholism, 'Ya' mastah' is back in the house to supply you with the mafia
goodness you so desire. Thanks to the inspiring words of Duckles, GiMpy,
and Sperm--I have been brought back from the brink of abandoning our internet
love-child.
It was much
like the scene in "Monster Squad" where the kids convince Scary
German Guy to come out of retirement and help them...
So, to celebrate
my return, I'm here with a handful of news and notes:
I've updated
the Mafia Events, and Duck,
Clarkbar, and BA all have shenanegins going on soon: which we
are encouraged to attend.
Akin to
Spermy's suggestions, I'm planning
on going through and updating various parts of the site (fix the old
archived pages, perhaps add descriptions--update bio's--pics--etc.).
Those who would like to edit their Bio's, OR submit new ones,
are suggested to do so. Email me, babies: kevin@ithacamafia.com
Saw Requiem
for a Dream. Dear god dear god dear god. From the PI guy. Cool/Troubling/Groundbreaking.
A supurb web page as well...
Saw Spider-Man
teaser on da' net. It fights Episode II next summer. Also, Jay and Silent
Bob movie trailer
in theatres & on net.
Speaking
of Star Wars, check out the pages of Parody
Posters.
Ever wonder
how our Backstreet Bo is doing in Rehab? Read his letters here.
(From Frants). Also, speaking of
AJ--did anyone else hear AJ Benza smack Suttering John on the radio
this week, and then hear him get his ass fired? Very strange happenings....
Shea Hillenbrand
turns 26 on Friday. Gimp is delighted her rookie boyfriend has gone
12 for 23 recently.
Got a review
from Bunk on Gran Turismo 3 for the
Deuce. Read on.
Saw Hedwig
on Tuesday--and it was everything I hoped it would be. So here w/ a review
is Gimpy:
"NEVER
PUT A BRA IN A DRYER"
(a look back at "Hedwig and the Angry Inch")
"Hello
Jedi! Don't you remember me? I'm the new Berlin wall baby! Try and tear
me down" Okay CB Reed- you mess with the bull you get the horns,
chump change. You want a review mofo- here you go. Your challenge has
been met. Damn skippy. From beginning to end, Hedwig proved itself to
be my favorite flick thus far this summer. Though it doesn't have much
competition, as The Mummy Returns and Jurassic Park III are on my summer
flick list. But seeing these other movies has made me easily recognize
and appreciate a solid film when I see one. John Comic Gold Mitchell was
phenomenal, showing an incredible range of emotions and outfits that made
me jealous, as I would probably not look as good in them. It stays very
close to the stage version, adding a few scenes here and there to naturally
fill the gaps. After all, on film he can expound upon his ideas even more
so than on stage. Miriam Shor rocks my frigin world and has now become
my own personal hero after the "RENT" scene. I can't give too
much away for those pitiful souls who have yet to see it. We're lucky
to be part of the limited release so run - don't walk, baby. I won't say
too much, but some scenes that will floor you that you can look forward
to- Hedwig in the oven, Luther the military man with gummi bears, singing
with a Japanese band in a Haagen Daas, the bra in the dryer man, and the
gripping Hedwig/Tommy Gnosis finale. The animation is still in, but this
time it's in motion, as opposed to single slides. The perfect addition
to this perfect film. Okay. So there you have it. My half assed, written
in 5 minutes, forcing you to go see it review. Happy now hookers?!?! I'm
gonna go vegetate in air conditioning.
--GiMp
Alright kids.
Time for my self to turn in, but before I do--I would like to reiterate
the thoughts that have been spoken before: I look forward to, and rely
on your interaction & participation w/ the site. I mean it when I
say everyone is welcome to write an update for the site, and contribute
anything they like. Dats' why we make this home, no? Oui.
BACKSTREET!
THE
COUNCIL HAS COME TO ORDER (7/24/01)
It has been
a while now, that we fellow Jedi (& the like) have surfed this beach
of Elevation Computing. This digital land of mafia connections that began
its origins in a land we all consider a second home. (Ithaca, not Astoria)
(Although Astoria can be nice....oh who am I kidding.) Regularly checking
for Kluv's updates, Mafia events & of course, Deeb's rambling.
BUT LATELY...
WE HAVE BECOME LAZY. Drawn in by the dark force that is everyday life.
Taking for granted the accessability of information about your fellow
mafioso. Taking for granted the time spent by Kluv to update and upload.
Even Kluv himself has become victim to this virus of silence. There has
been no posting on the message board. No passing of information of upcoming
events. No reviews. No trash talking. NO NEW JEDI!!!
So, my fellow
Jedi, I believe it is time. I am throwing down the gauntlet.
It is time
to assist Jedi Kluv in making this website reach the potential we, all
at one time or another, dreamed it could. Time to take that moment out
of everyday to post a message, send a review, and talk a little shit.
I call for
an updating of all bio's. It been about a year and things have definitely
changed for all.
I call for
a review of something. I know there are some out there who have read the
new Hornby, or seen Measure for Measure, or God forbid witnessed the massacre
that is JP3. Pass your joy or misery along. It will make you feel better.
I call for
some out and out shit talkin. I know that not all enjoy, but we're in
a pennant race here. So Irish, Kluv, China, Deeb, lets get it going.
And I call
for helping Kluv with the updates. Like I am doing now, & Duck before
me, we need to give KD the cut & paste love he deserves. Drop him
an e-mail. (But he reserves the right to edit. This goes for Deeb.)
And last....tell
others. More traffic = more fun. I think. The theory is sound when it
comes to one's sex life.
So there you
have it. My first post in three months and I'm telling you all what to
do. I expect thorough attempts at whipping my ass. Especially from KD,
for sending all this new info his way.
P.S.- This is
what happens to one's brain when one is chained to his desk sixteen hours
a day by Viacom. Now Entering
the courtroom, the Plaintiff: Jedi Duck (7/20/01)
That's right true believers,
if you search the well documented archives of this site, you will find a
lengthy description of how I, guest-updater Jedi
Duck, was taken like an Iowa tourist in a Times Square three-card monty
game. Some New England punk (Connecticut, to be exact, 35 Chapel Road, South
Windsor CT, to be REALLY exact) ripped yours truly off for $850.00 American
claiming to have a Playstation Dos. Well, after six months of sitting on
it, allowing my anger to fester and grow, I submitted my claim to the South
Windsor Small Claims court. Well, not one week later, was I awakened (awoked?
Waked up?) by a phone call from one Miss Alicia, Production Assistant for
none other than (Timpani drum fill......) THE PEOPLE'S COURT!!! And although
Judge Wapner is no more, Mayor Koch has moved on, and Judge Judy has reclaimed
her man, the message that has always seeped from the greasy cracks of that
faux-courtroom set is still the same: For the sake of justice, turn to the
TV. Ahhh. America. The sweeeeeeet smell of cathode tubes.
On a different front, my birthday is rapidly approaching, or in case you
are reading this after July 23, has just passed. To make your gift purchasing
easier, I have included this handy guide:
Collar: 16 1/2"
Sleeve: 34-35"
Inseam: 32"
Waist: 32"
Shoe: 12
Hat: 7 3/8"
Favorite Color: Green
Home computer format preferance: PC/IBM Compatible, Windows 98 OS
Home Gaming System: Playstation 2
Car manufacturer preference: Volkswagen Jetta, preferably in hunter green
or that phatty metallic blue.
Charity of Choice: Children Against Sexual Harrasment (Make checks out to
C.A.S.H., I'll make sure they get there.)
That should help you get started, anyway. Oh and Darth Roundnuts and Jedi
Twistedvein both got a year older on the 16th. Be sure to give them a phone
call after the rates go down.
Ahhh, the actual update. OK, Steve, Kate, Kluv and Gimp went to Beantown
then New Hampshire, Gimp tackled Moth, Kluv bought a CD player for himself,
a hat for me, and a backscratcher and a bear crossing magnet for DB. DB
and I played golf with the infamous Ray, (Ray:82, DB:118, Me:63 Dropped
a stroke on the tricky Par four 17) and I fell in love with DB's long iron.
So what else is new. DB's nephews puked and then tried to get us to go upstairs.
Wierd family. But hey, they're German.
DB went and hung out with Mario Perillo's (yes, THAT Mario Perillo) son
at a BBQ, and got some nice pillows out of it. I went up to New Lebanon,
NY to catch Miss Freddie's show (Agatha Christie's "Ten Little Indians")
and was thoroughly bamboozled. Apparently the butler doesn't always do it.
A spectacular performance by all. Jedirish, Seestirish, 2Shoes, Molly, Kluv
and Gimp (I hope I forgot no one, but hey I wasn't even there ("Big
Bobo Barth was there as well." --Kluv) watched the lowly
Mets pitch a one hitter against their beloved Red Sux, I'm sorry, damn "U"
key is so close to the "O" key....Red Sox. Damn shame. Oh and
2shoes had a party and it was fun.
Now I see why Kev puts off doing this. It is tough.
P.S. Watch the Mallrats DVD with the commentary just to hear Ben Affleck
butcher the language we call English. Remember folks, this man has a Oscar.
Dear God.
Free Lizzie Grubman.
A 23-Story
Drop of Terror (7/1/01)
Welcome to July, and
prepare ye for the vacation season. In fact, I myself will be vacationing
this week, so you'll have to keep each other entertained on the board
whilst I'm gone. Be sure and wear your sunblock.
But before I leave,
I bequeath a super-fun gallery of pictures
from the recent adventures Gimp, Steve, Diesel & I had @ Great
Adventure this past Friday.
All I gotst to say is
that Nitro is enough to make you
pee your pants.
u
**
UPCOMING MAFIOSO EVENTS **
DA'
ANNUAL HAIKU
MRS.
GRUNDY LIVE @ DOWNTIME
"The Boys
from Grundyville are back to bootyshockya for their Sophomore concert
event. Undoubtedly you will want to attend--especially if you missed the
last one. Prizes and witty banter abound, all with a backdrop of good
ol' Rock Music. Be there, or ALL YOUR BASE IS BELONG TO ME."
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